grief

i don’t do much writing of poetry anymore.  i’m not good at it and i’m not moved to it.  but a recent experience drove me to it.  i thought i’d keep it private; but when it comes to this topic i’ve kept so many secrets that i’m unable to hold it anymore.  so for the few who grace the pages i offer my grief today.  (see full entry)

eulogy

is that you are alive 
which forces me to grieve.

the loss endured knowing you’re just around the corner,
or possibly
on my street, with your children

avoiding a life you once said you loved.

i can not stand in front of a coffin,
a tomb,
an urn,
anything that says it is final.

rather i write to vapor 
constantly fearing you are on the other end
reading.

i edit my bile
screams on the page curtailed
sense of loss hidden
back handed hope not to drive you further underground.

you are not six feet under
you are not miles from me
yet i grieve the life you still live
without me
since suddenly, i must assume what we once called ‘we’
is worth 
nothing.